Losing my religion

"With your halo slipping down"

The Noose - A Perfect Circle

I was raised as a Catholic. Coming from an Italian background, all my family are Roman Catholics. When my parents divorced, my mum promised my Nonna that she would raise us kids as Catholics. It was a sign of respect, as I believe that my mum is not overly religious. She did, however, have her faith, but we weren’t the type to attend mass every Sunday. We weren’t devout Catholics. 

We attended a catholic primary school in Adelaide, but once we moved to Mt. Gambier we were put into the public schooling system. This meant that we would attend ‘Monday School’. This was an hour lesson after school hours, at one of the catholic schools, learning about the bible and what it is to be a Catholic. These lessons were fun as I had one of my best friends in Daniel, in my class, along with some of the guys from my soccer team. This would continue until our Confirmation at the age of about 12. Then that was it. I was a believer. I was never very religious, although I did believe in it to a degree. I wore my cross on my chain for a little while at that age (such a wog), and anytime I went to church for a wedding I would participate in the readings and rituals. I would tell people (if prompted) that I was a Catholic. Although again, it was not my whole being, it was just a small part of me. 

Being a fan of metal, I had heard of Tool. The LA four-piece was talked about amongst a couple of friends, but overall they weren’t very popular in our group. We all like Aenima and that was it. Progressive rock/metal was yet to make an impact on my musical taste. I just didn’t ‘get’ it. That was until 2004...

I was driving around with my friend Mike. It was night time and it was raining. It was the kind of night where the thought of going outside instantly makes you feel the cold air on your skin. Mt Gambier frequently has these type of nights. We had to go pick up something from his dad's place and decided to take a long way. I love the rain, always have. The smell of petrichor lingering in the atmosphere is something I adore. The mood in the car that night was pretty chilled. We both had nothing to say, we just sat in each other’s company. The music coming out of his car stereo and the thunderous rain hitting the car was all the noise we needed. The mix CD Mike had on was filled with the usual tunes, Nirvana, NIN, Manson... nothing new for me. Then a violin started with a guitar. 

The intro lasted a couple of bars before the hi-hats came in. The full band followed. 

“Threw you the obvious 

And you flew with it on your back 

A name In your recollection, 

Down among a million same...”

What a voice. 

I didn’t recognise the voice, nor the band. The song was mellow, filled with luscious strings and beautiful acoustic guitars. The drums sat perfectly in the mix, reminiscent of Stewart Copeland’s playing and again, that voice... 

The song builds and crumbles effortlessly. The refrain “You don’t see me.” Hit me right in the feels. (That’s what the kids say these days, yeah?) I didn’t ask who it was, I didn’t want to talk over it. The song sat perfectly in that moment. I was totally captivated. The thunderous rain magically became silent as I honed in on the sounds coming out of the speakers. 

“It’s A Perfect Circle” Mike replied to my inquiry once the song had finished. 

3 Libras always take me back to that drive. I can feel the warmth of the song softly hugging my skin as I sit in his car, staring out the window into the pitch-black abyss. 

I’m not sure how much later this took place, but I dare say it was within a month or so. I was once again in his car, this time Andrew was also present. It was mid-afternoon. The sun was out. It was one of those afternoon’s where you get motivated to do something. We decided we were gonna have a drink that night so we went to the bottle-o. We grabbed our cheap pre-mix bourbons and started to make the drive home. 

Suddenly 4 flam hits on the snare came blasting out of the speakers, followed instantly with a raucous rock song. 

“Fuck that’s got my attention!” My brain excitedly told itself. 

“You're such an inspiration for the ways

That I'll never ever choose to be...”

That’s that voice again! 

“Holy shit, they do rock songs?!”

Mike looked perplexed. 

“Yeah..? Of course they do, he’s the singer for Tool.”

Well, there you go! I had no idea. Andrew wasn’t anywhere near as excited as I, He wasn’t into heavier music. He was less impressed when the pre-chorus came in...

“Fuck your God!”

I was taken aback. Like I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t a devout Catholic. I had been listening to rock and metal for years. Manson... NIN... I was used to hearing artists critique religion and I was never offended. This didn’t offend me either, but it was slightly startling to hear those three words yelled at you. The pre-chorus continued...

“...Your Lord and your Christ,

He did this. 

Took all you had and

Left you this way. 

Still you pray, you never stray,

Never taste of the fruit. 

You never thought to question why?”

This song, like the aforementioned 3 Libras, made an instant impact. The sound was tuned to my tastes and I didn’t even know that this was my taste. This completely altered my direction of exploration. No longer was I looking for pain-ridden screams upon as much noise as possible. I started searching for soulful vocals over spacious soundscapes which would turn on a dime to become angst-ridden walls of sound. 

A song or two later and they would appear again. This time with their song “The Outsider”. It was a different sound again to the two songs I had heard previously. The song sits firmly in the Alt. Rock genre. It follows the soft verse/loud chorus formula that has worked for nearly every band since Nirvana, with the song breaking down at the midpoint. 

“They were right about you...”

Lyrically, the song seemed to be about someone self-destructing, something Mike would later on do. (I would later learn it was a critique on someone who doesn’t understand someone going through depression).

All three songs had hit me in a way that not many songs have and I knew I had to listen to more. For the rest of the year, I continued exploring these mellower, yet still powerful, type of songs. I looked deeper into Tool, Deftones came across my radar, and I looked back at NIN discography to discover they did have those more ambient type songs. The year came with all its troubles, (which I’ve spoken about in previous blogs), and I made it through to the other side. I was in a better place at the end of the year/beginning of 2005.

The lyrics to Judith, which was about his mum’s unwavering faith, stuck with me. I was struggling with my faith at this point, even with how minimal it was. I believed in science but religion gave me... something to belive in. At this point, I’d tell my friends I didn’t believe in God, but I was secretly still struggling internally with it. There was however a tipping point and it came from the most unlikely of sources...

A priest. 

But before we talk about the priest I need to mention someone else. At the end of that year/beginning of 2005, I had become close with a new friend. She was quite popular around town and was a couple of years older than I. She was also one of the prettiest girls in Mt. Gambier. She had just been through a break up from a long term relationship, and I had just gone through my tumultuous year. We lent on each other and helped each other overcome our problems. We never dated, we just became close friends. I feel she’s important to this story as she, along with the lessons I had previously learnt from, changed my perception of myself. Here I am, just your average teenage boy, hanging out with someone I wouldn’t have ever thought about speaking too, someone who seemed so unattainable, yet we went through similar stuff. It’s such an obvious thing to write as an adult, but as a teenager struggling to figure out the world, it was somewhat life-altering. She massively reinstalled my self-confidence. I felt more comfortable with myself and the direction I was taking my life. Although I don’t recall speaking about religion with her, she did give me confidence in myself and my decisions. We did, however, speak about leaving Mt. Gambier (not together), which was something I was considering. By this point, I was pretty much done with God, but taking that next step of saying it with confidence was tough. 

Enter the priest. 

I was walking home from seeing a friend down the street. It was a warm day, so I walked into town. After our lunch, I took the back streets home out of pure boredom. I had my Discman and I was listening to APC newest release eMOTIVe. It was an album full of covers. I had trouble listening to it, as it was a pretty big left turn regarding their sound. It challenged my musical tastes. The songs had changed quite a lot from the originals also, most were unrecognisable. Bill Howerdel sang on heaps of the songs instead of Maynard too. I didn’t know how I felt about his voice. It has a higher pitch than Maynard’s and is kind of whiny and thin. There were two original songs on there, however. Passive and Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rythym Of The War Drums. Passive was more of a straight forward rock song and Counting Bodies... was this industrial, mechanically dense song, with the lyrics serving as a stinging critique of the war on Iraq. The whole album is. That’s why they chose these songs to cover. They rushed to get it out before the election of 2004, which is why Billy also sang on a heap of the tunes. 

My walk took me behind St. Paul’s church, along the basketball courts. In the middle of the court was a ball. 

“I’ll take that!” I thought to myself. 

The courts were also were churchgoers would park. Sometimes you’d see the nuns to-and-fro-ing. I grabbed the ball and started juggling it. I then noticed a man walking inside the courts. It was a priest. 

He said hi and I politely said hello. 

After a brief exchange talking about the weather he asked something that took me by surprise. 

“Are you ok?”

I was surprised because I thought I was in a good mood. I had just seen a mate, had tunes playing and scored myself a free basketball. 

“Aaaah... yeah? Why?”

He replied that he always asks people if they’re ok. 

Fair call. I mean, he should be asking that I suppose. He pressed on. 

“Are you Catholic?” 

Jeez. How the fuck do I answer that?

“I was raised as one”. 

He knew I was trying to be polite and attempting to dance around it. He explained how he also once had his faith tested as a teenager and again when a young adult. He stuck to his guns, or God in his case, and rediscovered his faith. He told me God will always show the way and will always be there. I nodded, said thanks for the chat and said goodbye. 

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My gold chain from when I was a kid. Devil horn's to keep bad luck away, A key, Soccer ball, St. Christopher medal and a Cross.

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For the 30-minute walk home, I mulled over what he had said. He stayed true to himself and came out the other side as the person he wanted to be. With my new found confidence I decided that was it. 

I let go. 

I found it a struggle to get to that conclusion. By deciding/realising God didn’t exist and that in turn, my religion was false, I was in part standing firmly against everything my family believes in. I was telling them they were wrong. Thats the way I viewed it. These moments were not the only things that changed my mind. I’ve had countless of drunken conversations with friends about faith, I’ve read a heap of articles and seen hundreds of videos telling me why God didn’t exist. Losing my faith was a culmination of everything. These moments, however, stand out as points in time which helped me clear my vision. The re-building of my confidence coinciding with me losing my faith is no coincidence. In fact, it was vital. 

Now, how do A Perfect Circle and I shedding my faith connect? To be honest, they don’t. They do however soundtrack these particular moments which is what this blog is about. I didn’t say “Fuck God” because Maynard yelled it at me, but I did take it on board. It was another mark chalked up against me keeping my faith. Another person telling me to pull my head in and see religion for what it is. I followed the evidence and like the priest, I followed my gut. 

So what if God does end up being real?

Well, when St. Peter calls my name and asks me why I didn’t believe... I’ll tell him it was one of God’s chosen priest’s fault for telling me to follow my gut...

Why so serious?

"Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy to those who think"

- Molière

A small collection of the stand-up dvd's I own. The three books are My Booky Wooky 1 & 2 by Russell Brand and Handstands In The Dark by Janey Godley. The two tickets are Dylan Moran live at Thebarton Theatre and my pass to The Comedy Store in L.A.

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Comedy? In a music blog?

Deal with it...

I’ve always had a fascination with stand up comedy, and comedy in general. The ability of captivating storytelling is a gift. The ability to take a mundane situation and turn it into something magical is just that... magical.

My earliest memory of being captivated by stand-up is listening to a cassette of ‘Utterly Utterly Live! Comic Relief 1986”. I was young, under 10 I’d say. Probably too young to be listening to it but hey, what are ya gonna do? I remember being in the car with my family, we were going somewhere for a holiday (Mt. Remarkable possibly?). I recall driving along with my three siblings in the back asleep, or at least dozing off. The Garth Brooks cassette we were listening too had finished so mum put on her ‘Utterly Utterly Live! Comic Relief’ tape. I think she was half trying to have a grown-up moment with me and half her assuming I wouldn’t understand half the stuff the comics were saying. My favourite routines were The Young Ones singing ‘Living Doll’ with Cliff Richards, Rowan Atkinson and Kate Bush’s duet of ‘Do bears?’, Rowan Atkinson’s ‘Fatal Beatings’ and Billy Connolly’s set.

Speaking of Rowan Atkinson, mum also had his stand-up VHS ‘Rowan Atkinson Live’. That was probably the first full-length set I watched. He’s a remarkable comic, one of the best to have done it. His physical comedy is second to only Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson. If you only know him as Mr Bean, I implore you to watch his live stuff, He is a master.

At some point, I started to become infatuated with how jokes were formed. I started to try and deconstruct jokes the same way I would deconstruct music. Instead of asking why the drummer did a certain fill in this section, I’d ask, why did they use that word instead of this word? You start seeing patterns emerge in the language. You learn what a callback is, and how they are used in their routines as a way of building rapport with the audience. Depending on the type of comic, they manage to write a monologue disguised as dialogue. They appear to speak to their audience, helping to establish a mutual relationship based on being an “every-man/woman”. You start noticing subtly dropped hints and words to help set you up. They build tension with these words and phrases, and you start realising the power that language and words can have. Patrice O’Neil speaks about this for a moment on an episode of ‘Tough Crowd’. He explains why one word in one of his jokes is used over another because “hard consonants are funny!”

As I grew older I kept watching as much stand-up as I could. I’d always watch the Melbourne Comedy Festival and the Montreal Comedy Festival when it was on TV. Although I like most types of comedy, I started gravitating towards the Dark/black, Blue (yes there’s blue!), Surreal, Alternative and Anti-comedy. I also started to have a great appreciation for those who could go from a serious critique of society to a dick joke in the space of a minute and it all makes sense. Bill Hicks was brilliant at this. He was the first comedian who changed my perception of what comedy could be. He was dangerous and intelligent. His stinging critiques of the American Dream was more aligned with someone guest writing articles for a national publication. Large chunks of his set weren’t “comedy” but he would find the connections to make you laugh. He also had plenty of dick jokes!

He became a rock icon to me, and also made me consider trying stand-up. It was possibly the first time I started making connections between music and comedy also. Apart from the obvious connections of live performing, there are arguments to be made in the way songs and jokes are structured being quite similar. The build and release of tension for example. The way a certain word can make you feel a certain way, setting you up for the punchline.

The constraints I thought existed in the comedy world weren’t there, in fact, they never were. I realised that you could have more layers than just being funny. You could make an audience feel other emotions, sadness, anger... the field is wide open. Sure, it’s a fine and hard line to walk, but those who do are the outlaw comics I look up to. I’m lucky to have witnessed this kind of set live.

It was in L.A at the world-famous Comedy Store. I managed to convince my partner we should go without knowing who was performing. The first comedian I recall seeing that night was Bobby Lee. He was a tornado of energy, he whipped the crowd up into a frenzied state. He was climbing on the stool and table, speaking so fast it was like he was possessed. He was all observational, aiming for maximum laughs per minute. After about 8 or so hyperactive minutes the crowd started to calm down. He was still getting laughs but we were exhausted. He thanked the crowd and took his exit. I later overheard him speaking to another comic, the other guy complimented his set. Bobby told him he was losing us (the crowd) and that he was pissed at himself for doing so, so he bailed before he lost us completely. I remember sitting there thinking how the fuck could he think that? I guess it’s comparable to watching a band, they’re brilliant for 6 songs then they play that one song which doesn’t sit right in the atmosphere and everyone goes and gets drinks. It’s not that they’re playing bad, they just didn’t read the room. Next up was Neal Brennan. I had no idea who he was. They introduced him as “The other guy from the Chappelle show”. This pricked my ears up instantly as Chapelle show was a favourite of mine. His observational set was slick. It is what you’d call a more traditional kind of routine. He spoke about Chapelle bailing on the tv show and how it affected his life. I became a fan and wondered why I had never heard of him before then. His newest special “Three Mics” on Netflix is one of the greatest specials ever made, I highly recommend watching it. He selves deep into his personal life while still being hilarious. Next was the headliner Dov Davidoff. He strutted onto the stage in a black leather biker jacket, black tee, jeans and crew cut to kick. He looked like a rockstar. He had a thick New Jersey accent which just made him cooler in my eyes. He sat slouched on the stool and proceeded to unload his problems onto the audience. He was self-deprecating, he seemed homicidal... or maybe suicidal I couldn’t decide. He was honest and raw, and most importantly, he was funny. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He didn’t get the laughs per minute like the comics who proceeded him, but he hit a nerve. He had the audience in the palm of his hand. It was dead quiet when he spoke. You could feel the thickness of the air. Then he’d say a punchline and the room would explode. This night was full of comedy at the highest level and it was completely inspiring.

After the discovery of Hicks, I delved deeper into deconstructing comedy. I started looking back at the ones I already loved, Connolly, Atkinson, Young Ones and Bottom, Monty Python’s, Tripod, Chapelle, while discovering new favourites like Jerrod Carmichael, Russell Brand, Patrice O’Neil, Bo Burnham, Rory Scovel, Anthony Jeselnik, James Acaster, Andy Kaufman and Tim Minchin.

As you can see from that list, there’s a wide variety of comedic styles to choose from, and each has their nuances. Russell Brand is a lover of language, James Acaster is intelligent yet surreal, Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson (Young ones/Bottom) were physical comedy extraordinaire’s and Tim Minchin is a stupidly talented musician.

Tim Minchin's 9 minute beat poem, Storm.

Recently, with streaming services handing out specials like tic-tacs, there’s been a lot of output of crap (Brendan Schaub, anyone?), that said, there have been few instances where the comedian had used the element of film and videography to further push their views. The aforementioned 3 Mics by Neal Brennan showcases a unique format of stand up. Bo Burnham’s use of camera angles brings you in through the screen and sits you one-on-one with him. Burnham also directed Jerrod Carmichael’s special, 8, in which he explores this method of filming stand up even further, almost refusing the conventional angles and edits. This is all completely new to me and has once again re-ignited my admiration for this art form.

I started to see comedy as potentially a more fitting way for me to unleash my creativity. When I was pondering this I wasn’t in a band and therefore, I wasn’t drumming. I could do stand up on my own, my own way, and push my social and philosophical views to people through this art form. I could use it to cathartically purge my emotions. I also tossed the idea to a close friend about doing a duo, but nothing eventuated. I then again got the urge about 3 years ago, when I came up with the idea for a podcast. I would give myself a certain amount of time (2-3 months), to write my first 10 minutes stand up set and perform it at a comedy club open mic. I’d interview comedians for tips and just basically document it. As luck would have it, I discovered this exact podcast had been done already... and by an Australian no less! Unfortunately, it’s not up on any streaming services anymore, but it was called Am I Funny? It even won some awards. Bastard.

I accidentaly became obssessed with Tim Minchin starting in 2009ish. This isnt even all my Minchin stuff!

I have a special connection with comedy, and it’s equal to my musical connection, hence why I’ve decided to include it in this blog. Further down the line, I may write an essay deconstructing one of my favourite comedians, as I find it fascinating how comedians think. Still to this day I get the urge to start stand up. I keep ideas in a journal, and I still take notes on how comedians craft their work. I may make the jump one day... There’s an old saying that every comedian wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be a comedian, and for this little drummer boy, that statement couldn’t be any truer.

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”

― Bill Hicks

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Bonus Stuff!

Here is a list of Stand-up shows, Documentaries or TV series I highly recommend. There's too many to name, so if you make way through this, hit me up for more suggestions!

• Tim Minchin - Ready For This (Stand-up)

• Rock 'n' Roll Nerd: The Tim Minchin Story (Doco)

• Monster Live: Dylan Moran (Stand-up)

• Snuff Box (TV series)

• Bottom: The big number 2 show Live (Stand-up)

• The Mighty Boosh On Tour: Journey of the Childmen (Doco)

• American: The Bill Hicks Story (Doco)

• Bill Hicks: Revelations (Stand-up)

• Man On The Moon (Biographical film)

• Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (Stand-up)

• Bo Burnham: what (Stand-up)

• Jerrod Carmichael: 8 (Stand-up)

• Neal Brennan: 3 Mics (Stand-up)

• Patrice O'neal: Elephant in the Room (Stand-Up)

• James Acaster: Repertoire (Stand-up)

• Anthony Jeselnick: Thoughts and Prayers (Stand-up)

• Rory Scovel Tries Stand-up For The First Time (Stand-up)

• Tripod: Pod August Night (Stand-up)

White Pony

'I climbed your arms, then you pulled away.

New cavity moved into my heart today..."

Another year another anniversary to make you feel old. 

This week marked the twenty (20!) year anniversary of Deftones incredible album, White Pony. 

Deftones - White Pony: https://open.spotify.com/album/5LEXck3kfixFaA3CqVE7bC?si=YBXVca86Sl2s3ZhOOlR-Qw

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I was a little late to the Deftones party, to be honest. Every time I heard them early on, it was on as background noise. I was never “shown” Deftones. None of my friends (as I recall) were deep into Deftones, most just liked the singles, so that was all I had heard. One friend did like White Pony quite a lot. I, however, did not take notice until 2004. 

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, which is rare for Mt. Gambier. Mike, Andrew and I had decided earlier in the morning that we would take a trip to Pt. Macdonnell, located about half an hour away from Mt. Gambier, making it the closest beach. After grabbing our gear, we set off for our little day trip. We took Andrew’s car, but as always, Mike and myself brought along some CDs for the drive. Mike sat up front and had control of the music. He quickly put in one of his mix CDs.

At some point during the trip a song came on and the music was turned up obnoxiously loud. It must have been one we all were vibing on, as I recall all of us just singing and dancing along, typical teenage behaviour. Once the song finished, the volume stayed up and they started talking to each other. Me being in the back, I couldn’t hear them at all, so I sat back and looked out the window. Then I noticed the music. 

A lazily strummed guitar came twinkling through the speakers. It’s a beautiful sounding tone, delicate and pretty. The drums enter suddenly. It's a simple but sits deep in the pocket, then that instantly recognisable voice...

“I watched you change,

Into flies...”

Even with my minimal knowledge, I knew it was Deftones. Chino's voice is one of a kind. I would hedge my bets and say I had heard this song before, but this was the first time I sat and listened with minimal distractions. His voice is ethereal, it's so fragile throughout the verse. His melodies and note choices are unexpected. The bass rumbling below (along with the drums), gives the song a little bit of urgency. Once the chorus drops, his voice opens up. His voice always feels like it is on the edge, like it’s going crack. He seems like he is always reaching to hit the notes. The band open up also, matching Chino’s soaring vocals. 

“Oi Simon?! What you reckon?”

I had no clue what the fuck Andrew was talking about. I was so lost in the song. Mike smiled knowingly. 

“What’s this song called?” I asked. 

Change. 

I locked the name in my brain so I could download it once I got home. 

We arrived at Pt. Macdonnell. Now usually when you get there, you chuck a left and go to Brown’s Bay for a swim. Andrew took a right. 

Where are we going? I wondered. 

We pulled up into a car park. Andrew and Mike started walking into the bush, so I followed. After a short walk, space opens up to sand dunes. I never knew this place existed. I had also never been to any form of dunes before. Andrew came prepared with a bodyboard and some disc thing to slide on. We spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music on a portable CD player, running up and down dunes, Bodyboarding down and jumping off massive ledges. We even made some goals and took turns taking free-kicks with the beach ball we had. It was great to get away, even if it was only to Port Mac. We all had troubles going on (this taking place before Mike’s attempted suicide) and this got my mind off things. If we had gone to Browns Bay, we would have run into other people and it would not have been as relaxing. As the sun started to set, we went and grabbed fish and chips and took them back to the dunes to eat. It was like something out of a movie, we just sat there watching the sunset over the horizon. Nothing was said. We just sat in each other’s company, knowing we had each other to help us through whatever we needed help with. At least that was my feeling. Looking back at it now, and knowing what would take place later on in the year, that’d have been the perfect time to check in with my friends.

We jumped back into the car, where Mike’s mix CD was still in the CD player. We pull out onto the highway and the same twinkling guitar tone came through the speakers. I realised quickly this time that it was another Deftones song. 

“I get all, numb

When she sings that "It's over"

Such a strange, numb

And it brings my knees to the earth”

The band enters full throttle, a lot sooner than in the previous song. Chino’s voice is still graceful, but with a little more conviction. The instrumental has a lot more intensity, but his melody still has a laidback feel to it. He matches the band in the chorus where his vocals ascend to another level. The song is relaxing for me, considering the intensity of the music. The laid back groove and melody give the song a more chilled vibe, it’s an amazing feat. I would consider it a soft song, but really, it’s not. 

“What’s this song, Mike?”

Knowing he had made me a fan of Deftones, he smirked. 

“Minerva. I’ve got a couple of other Deftones songs on my computer. I’ll show you tomorrow.”

That night I downloaded Minerva and Change (In The House Of Flies). I was excited to hear more of their stuff. I could not believe I had sat on them for so long. Fuck I am an idiot...

Mike picks me up the next day to go to his house. We were playing video games and listening to music. I was so eager to hear these other Deftones songs but he had forgotten. He could be a bit dipsy, ol’ Mike. Eventually, I asked where are the songs. 

“Oh shit! Yeah man, sorry. Listen to this!”

Otherworldly swirls instantly filled the air of his bedroom, building the anticipation. The drums and guitar enter, there’s that drum sound again. I started to recognise some of their unique elements. The drum pattern matches the guitar work, kind of frenetic and bouncy. The drum pattern is utterly brilliant. It was the first time took notice of Abe’s drum work. He has such groove, he’s one of the best modern rock drummers. 

Then, Chino's laidback croon slides in...

“Here I lay...”

A second voice enters.

“Still and breathless”

Who the fuck was that second voice? That wasn’t Chino, but I know that voice...

“Just like always”

...

“Still, I want some more”

Is that...

“Is that Maynard?”

Mike smiled and nodded. 

Holy Fuck! A collab with Maynard! I was a massive fan of A Perfect Circle, so this was a welcomed surprise! Maynard’s voice was stirring and perfectly balanced out Chino’s wispy voice with a steady tone. The song breaks down and Maynard's vocals take centre stage. He lowers his voice to a whispering croon. The swirls re-emerge with piano, bringing the song back to an airy vibe. 

Then it explodes into the chorus. Maynard’s voice ascends to another level. 

“Roll the windows down

This cool night air is curious

Let the whole world look in

Who cares who sees anything?”

Right there and then, I decided this was the greatest song I had ever heard. 

He then showed me Elite. This song was completely different from anything I had heard them do before. It does not fuck around, kicking off with Chino’s screeching vocals. How the hell he can keep it up for another 4 minutes is astonishing. It sounds like his screams are ripping apart his vocal cords. The song does not let up, keeping the aggressive energy at a high level for the duration of the song. 

Street Carp was up next and was similar to Elite in its intensity. Although Chino mostly sings for the duration of the track, the instrumental is a balls-out rock affair. The chorus then dropped and I started to sing along. 

“Well, here’s my new address

6-6-4, oh, I forget...”

I know this song. Where do I know this song from?

Holy Shit it’s off of the MTV Skateboarding Playstation Game! 

Fuck, what a trip! Everyone talks about the Tony Hawk’s games having the best soundtrack, but they’re wrong. It’s MTV Skateboarding. Although, a much inferior game, the soundtrack was killer. I remember playing it back in ‘00/‘01, it introduced me to Cypress Hill and the fact it had Sugar by SOAD almost trumps anything the THPS games had. Anyway, I digress...

I would burn a copy of White Pony off Mike that day. I would spend my spare time listening to that album, studying it, but unfortunately, I would not have it long. It was in my CD case which I left in Mikes car the day it was stolen and burnt out... I lost so many CDs that day, i shed a tear whenever I think about it..

Having lost my copy of White Pony, I became obsessed with Minerva. The song was everywhere as it was released just a year earlier. I have been struggling to find a way to describe the song properly. A 2016 Consequence of Sound article by Jon Hadusek makes the claim that

"[in] a way, Deftones brought shoegaze to the alternative metal mainstream with 'Minerva', a crushingly heavy, textured jam indebted to Siamese Dream-era Smashing Pumpkins and HUM.” 

I think that is quite a good way of explaining the song. It’s a heavy shoegaze song. Back in 04’ however, I had no idea what shoegaze was, so it was a new sound for my ears. 

I would eventually download Change, Passenger and Back to School (Mini Maggit) and a little while later, the rest of the album. White Pony became the definitive Deftones album for me. I didn’t bother with their others, bar a song here or there. It was White Pony or get-the-fuck-out for a few years, at least until the 2010 release of Diamond Eyes. I would then venture back through all their albums to discover everything I hade been missing out on. I would claim that most modern alternative rock/metal bands (mine included), are influenced by White Pony. In a landscape dominated by Nu-Metal, Deftones crafted a sound that all corners of the heavy and alternative world adored. They broke away from the restraints of Nu-Metal and pioneered a sound all of their own. Unlike a lot of the music released in the late nineties/early-noughties, White Pony has withstood the test of time, sounding like it could have dropped yesterday. Although Minerva is the song this memory is attached too, it was White Pony that won me over. The album was was full of new ideas and proved to be a gateway to more alternative and progressive music. Having seen them live at least 4 times, obsessed over the drum pattern for Digital Bath (I’m lucky enough to have seen Dave Elitch play this up close!) and even cover the song Change in my band, it is safe to say this album affected me as a musician and a music lover.

Happy 20th White Pony. 

For those interested...

Deftones Live (A fan youtube page), put together this video to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of White Pony. Theres some cool visual stuff, some live videos of the songs and even some acoustic performances. :-)